You are an uninvited guest in our home. Well, you may have been invited by one of my tweens, but they did not get my permission to let you in this house. You show up unannounced and uninvited at the most inopportune times.
Since you will be staying a while, I thought I’d be honest about my feelings. There are some things you and I need to hash out here at the beginning of your stay. I want to be honest with my feelings…since I can no longer be honest with my children for fear of your influence on their reaction.
It’s only natural to be a little on edge with an unwelcome guest in your home. We really can’t blame me for my bad attitude, can we? Shouldn’t that blame fall squarely on your shoulders? After all, you have repeatedly inserted yourself into families for centuries.
YOU CRY TOO MUCH
I have held the MOM title for just over a decade. We had made it passed the crying and whining stages (both for me and the kids). I broke those habits. We were done. BUT now that you, hormone, have decided to move here, things have changed.
I have to be careful about the joke. I have to watch out for aches and pains that may be associated with growing pains. (aren’t you cousins?) I have to steel myself for irrational reactions and drama…. Oh, the drama!
Gone are the days of toddler tantrums. They felt hard at the time but it turns out they were cute little precursors to the tween tantrums. All that I learned from the toddler tantrums was that eye rolling is not productive. During the tween-trums, an eye roll will change the path and intensify the storm.
YOU SMELL TOO MUCH
Babies are so cute and smell so good. Tweenagers are lippy and smell funny. I thought once the kids were out of diapers I would stop walking up to them and sniffing. Now I walk past and return to smell an arm pit. WHY, Hormone, do you smell so bad?
And it’s not just the bodies that smell. There is a distinct odor on their side of the house. Axe is not my friend. Neither is Raspberry bliss. These smells only mask the fact that Hormone has left a stink.
YOU TALK TOO MUCH
I love a good conversation with my kids. A long car ride is perfect for figuring out what the heck is happening in their brains. But since you arrived, the conversations are much more abrupt and contain many sounds that I’m not familiar with. What is with the grunting? And why do you sometimes say NOTHING at all… Also, your favorite words – Sure and Whatever – need to be removed from the vocabulary at our home. I don’t want to hear it.
Sometime there are just so many words. I don’t need 11-teen adjectives or “liikes” in a story. Can you tighten it up a little?
Hormones, I really want to like you since I know you will be a houseguest for years to come. Please don’t bring any more baggage to this house. You can cry and stink and talk, but please do not bring rage or hair or acne.
I’ll let you stay if you promise to keep up the smell so that the opposite sex stays away. Deal?
A Tweenage Mom.