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Three Things Hurting Your Husband

The greatest compliment I ever received was delivered just after I returned from maternity leave the first time. A co-worker hired while I was home wanted to get to know me. She said the only thing she had heard about me was…

You love your husband.

Fifteen years later, this is still the compliment that I’m most proud of. I work hard to make sure this is still well known about me. He is the most beautiful man I’ve ever met and I know that honoring him has made our relationship better.

So, last week when I imploded because of my imminent big birthday and an overload of stress, I took it out on him. (Passive aggressively.) I lied about his “laziness and unwillingness to help” in a texting rant to my friend. He called me out on it and I am so glad he did. It made me pause and pay attention to some of my recent decisions. I have identified 3 toxic behaviors that I believe contributed to my passive aggressive implosion that need to be cut out of my routine.

Honoring your husband isn’t cool.

I had the privilege of spending a girls weekend in Dallas with some great, fun-loving women. We attended a mom-only comedy show and had a great time. The headliners were funny and relatable… until they entered the husband bashing sequence. I’m usually pretty sensitive to any kind of gossip or bashing. I realized early in our relationship that I could not spend time with women that chose to be harsh about their husbands.

I’m not calling out this behavior or shaming women who don’t have a problem in this area. I’m saying, for me, it does not have a positive outcome. In the world of social media where we are all one-upping each other with events, travels, and celebrations, I cannot invest any time that has the possibility of creating negative feelings about my husband.

He does {everything} wrong!

…Fill in the blank. You know you’ve had this thought swirl around in your head. But I challenge you (and me) to abruptly end this sentence before it leave your head (or face).

“He folds the laundry wrong”. Why don’t I just stop at…”He folds the laundry!” How great! I’ll take any help I can get.

“He loads the dishwasher wrong”….. let’s try “He loads the dishwasher”… and celebrate the help.

“He gets the kids riled up right when I have calmed them down at bedtime”…. “My husband spends time playing with our kids at bedtime”. This one is more of a stretch because…bedtime! But you see what I’m saying. Stop short on these sentences and be thankful for what he helps you with around the house even if it means you change the way you fold the towels.

I juggle it all without any help from my husband.

Here’s the truth… I struggle with it all because I don’t ask him for help. I think he expects me to do it all perfectly! This isn’t fair to him, especially when I fall short of the expectations I made up and get mad at him for those made up expectations.

In the rush of summer, I got too busy to see all that husband does for me. Whether it’s staying out of my way or offering to help when he sees me overwhelmed, I overlooked all that he does to help keep all my plates spinning. I took for granted that he works all day then comes home and works to keep our yard mowed and kids fed. (He cooks and he’s handsome-I’m a winner!)

When I imploded and lost my way, he reminded me that he has been watching and waiting for me to implode and he stopped to catch all the pieces. I was so embarrassed to fall apart and take it out on him. He stepped up to hold me tight, remind me that he loves me -imminent implosions and all, and that I need to ask for help.

I had to step back and remind myself of what a great team we are. My job as his wife is to honor him with my words and actions especially when little ears and eyes see everything I’m doing.

Here’s the challenge. Let’s uphold those vows we cried through 10-20-30 years ago and remember why we bought that fancy dress…to share our life with this guy and honor him even when the world tells us not to!

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4 Responses to Three Things Hurting Your Husband

  1. Elizabeth September 5, 2017 at 4:05 pm #

    Exactly what I needed to read. Thanks friend!!

  2. Destiny September 7, 2017 at 9:18 am #

    You are so awesome for sharing this! Thank you!

  3. Paula Anthis September 7, 2017 at 4:57 pm #

    This blog is one more reason to be supremely delighted that you and Michael were chosen of God for each other. You have a God given gift with words and use it so beautifully as you constantly are blessing and teaching me to look and see things from His perspective.

  4. West September 21, 2017 at 4:09 pm #

    Yes! Thank you for sharing!

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