This is me.
I don’t love this picture of me but this is how my daughter sees me. She took the picture. Not to document the day’s failure. Not to prove that I am a mess. Not during a moment of impatience or yelling. Not because she thinks I am a little overweight. She likes to take pictures and to video me because I am her mom.
“I never measure up to my own expectations. If I can’t do it all, there must be something wrong.”
I belted out these words as a 20-something. Little did I know how true these words would be as I ventured into adulthood, marriage and motherhood. Nothing can pull out my inner monster like a mouthy toddler/little/middle/tween/teen/big/(husband?). I feel like I’m constantly battling lofty ideas with reality. Failure seems like a constant outcome.
I have rushed through years of angst, worry, and anger. I have hopped over mountains of regret, shame, and disappointment only to realize those same emotions were waiting around the next corner in the next season. All these “feely” words should be synonyms for the queen of all words. (Dare I say “Mother of all words”…)
Mother, Mom, Madre, Momma
Whether you birthed or adopted or foster or care for a little to a big, this title can be intimidating and overwhelming. But in your feelings of failure, stop. Those incredible expectations you put on yourself look good on a Pinterest board, but they’re not real and they do not line up with those under your care.
Every time I pull out a knife to meal prep, my children kindly remind me not to cut myself. Every time I turn on the oven, my children kindly remind me not to burn myself. Almost every time I do either of those tasks, I end up bandaged. But this doesn’t deplete my worth to them. Those bandages remind me I’m human and a little clumsy. Imagine my child’s relief when she sees me be clumsy as she enters into the tween and teen years where her knees will stay stained with the day’s falters.
Stop and take in the love your littles have for you.
Stop and see your middle emulate you.
Stop and realize that big kid sees and loves you.
Stop. Breathe. Know you are seen and it’s a beautiful sight!