I am an all in type of girl. When I decide to do something, it’s with a dive in attitude. I “attempted” to start running four years ago. I had never ran before and had no clue where to even start. At the time, my goal wasn’t entirely pure of heart either. I needed something to fill the void of kicking my smoking addiction and usually that begins with finding another addiction.
At that time, training to run was easy. I worked from home in a part-time job. My children were young. We lived in a place that made going for a run, a quick and doable decision. I enjoyed the discipline of having a plan, and working towards a goal. I didn’t start small and move on to bigger distances later. One day, I just decided “I’m going to run a half-marathon” and that was that. I picked a race. In August. In Texas. A completely insane decision, especially for a newbie.
But I did it, and fell in love with it. I saw changes in my body. I felt pride and excitement from my family. I believed I had become accomplished. So, I kept going. For the next two years, I trained. My new goal was to do 40 races by the time I turned 40 years old. I ran all kinds of distances, and managed to pick up triathlons somewhere along the way. I loved every minute of chasing that goal. It was something of my own outside of wife duties, mom duties and job duties.
So What Happened?
Life keeps moving though and one day I realized I was in a new place. The kids got older and acquired a “schedule”. The job became full-time outside of the home. We moved to a new place. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like I could squeeze training in anymore.
It was a crazy busy world for me and that ever so famous quote: “If it’s important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.” became true in my life. This new season I was in was a busier one with more responsibility and I just could not find any way to fit one more thing on my plate without completely losing my mind. I tried for a long time to find a way to make it work, but it just didn’t. I finally came to a point where it just didn’t matter to me the way it once had.
It is now two more years down the road. I don’t think that girl from four years ago went anywhere, she just had a shift in life. One that required a different focus. A different focus that has now become a familiar routine. And now, instead of adding one more thing to the plate that would have tipped the plate over, it is just an additional side item. For the first time in a while, I feel like I’ve finally reached a place to want to try again.
Will it be easy to start over? No. I imagine it’s going to be very difficult, knowing that once upon a time, this picture looked a lot different. But I’ve laid the expectations down. I have committed to two days a week, because that is a number that I feel safe in saying is manageable for my life right now. Instead of wallowing in the pressure of the past, I’m shifting my mindset to resting in the knowledge that my body is capable, even in my current state.
Set a goal and show up for yourself. I’m learning it’s okay to begin again. One step at a time.